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Dear Sikh Helpline,
I befriended a Muslim guy a few years ago. We became very close and intimate in time. At the time it felt right but now i hate myself for it and don’t know where this leaves me with regards to Sikhism. i don’t have any friends and im a single mother as my husband whom i had an arranged marriage to not only physically abused me but cheated on me too. i don’t excuse what I’ve done but do you think God could ever forgive me. Im not a bad person I always try to help others but even though i have every faith in Sikhism i don’t do any kirtan or any prayer in the mornings or evenings. I think i need some guidance to help me move forward. Can u help me?
Dear bhainjiThank you for contacting the Sikh Helpline
I totally understand your circumstances and would love to share my thoughts through the many similar cases we have received in the past.
Essentially every human longs for belonging, acceptance and love. We are all in the Pursuit of happiness. Much of this pursuit is vain because we chase “trigger happy” – short-term remedies, i.e. dating, money, cars, fashion etc- these are short lived and provide us only with short injections of happiness followed by the Inevitable withdrawals.
Now with regards to your marriage, I am sorry it ended in that way. Sometimes we ask ourselves and question our faith in times of turmoil.
“What have I done to deserve this?”
“Why do bad things happen to good people?”
Essentially Gurbani tells us Dukh (pain) and Sukh (happiness) in our present life are the result of deeds done in our previous lives. (poorab Karam)
Sacred Gurbani says: "Sukh dukh purab janam kay kiye, so jane jin datay diye. Kis tu dosh deh tu parani suh apna kiya karaa hai".
Bad experiences in our lives leave us emotionally drained, vulnerable, alone. During this state is it very easy to fall for short-term remedies and dating, commonly referred by people as the “rebound” affect.
These forms of relationships, dating and "flings" are very harmful to your self-confidence, emotions, spirituality and consciousness, which can end in a spiral of misery.
It is very important never to hold resentment towards anyone who may have done you wrong. Moreover, it should make you wiser and stronger.
What ever has happened and will happen is in his supreme order. Guru Nanak Devi ji declares in the Japji: "all forms, beings, greatness and lowliness, pain and pleasure, bounties and wanderings are subject to the indescribable Hukam (Divine Will) and there is nothing outside the realm of Hukam"
Our “karam”, our destinies are subject to change through the Naam simran and Seva that we do.
You mention you have limited friends.
Sacred Gurbani tells us A Person is known by the company (or sangat) that he/she keeps. We are the result of our environment. -Continued
In sacred Gurbani, Bhagat Kabir Ji says: jo jaisee sa(n)gath milai so thaiso fal khaae ||86|| According to the company one keeps, so are the fruits that one eats (SGGSJ ANG 1369).
So the company that one keeps is a great force and it plays a big role in shaping the person. Those who live in the company of bad people acquire bad ways of life and are bound to become unhappy and unsuccessful.
I would strongly recommend that you attend Kirtan and Simran programs, actively engage in the Sangat and try to pick people to engage with who express positive energies
The power of prayer is amazing. Ask God for courage and strength to help you overcome your anxieties. Try simple WAHEGURU simran (meditation) for 10-20 mins in the morning and evening, focussing your mind and energies on positives, and begin each day with a positive mindset
Every positive prayer and act of Sewa (selfless service) helps heal past wounds, so in a way, we're seeking solace in every Jaap.
There’s no magic remedy to any problem, but I can guarantee that a year from now, you'll be a stronger and more confident person through these four simple steps,.:
- Engage in prayer every morning and evening, with all your heart & Soul and no rituals.
- Engage with Sangat, be proactive
- Engage in Sewa, REAL charity, help those less fortunate
- Carefully think about what you eat and drink, refrain from all intoxicants and Meat.
The Man you might fall in love with then is probably going to be one who is a strong carer, someone who can help you recover from your previous marriage and someone who will help you pursue spiritual and lasting happiness. You will also be a positive role model for your children/child.
Sometimes these “bad” experiences in our life are actually a God-send, a Wake-up call,.
Gurbani tells us to accept life as it presents itself to us, as God's Prasaad. In other words, accept all situations and experiences, seemingly negative or otherwise, and learn from them. There is a Divine message hidden in each one of them. If we penetrate beneath the surface of a situation or an experience, it will be revealed to us. Inner peace and lasting happiness follows in the wake of pain and suffering.
I’ll leave you with a Shabad by Guru Tegh Bahaadur Ji:
kashh bigariou naahin ajahu jaag ||1|| rehaao ||
Nothing has been lost yet - there is still time to wake up! ||1||Pause||
Don’t analyse and be saddened by the past, look forward and be positive.
Have Faith in the Shabad Guru.
I hope I have been of some assistance. Please feel free to contact us anytime, we would love to hear from you again.
Sikh Helpline.
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